Vive la France

Did you ever move to a new school and have to make new friends? If so, I feel very sorry for you. This weekend I've experienced what can be best described as a culture shock. The reason? My girlfriend has left me.... For the weekend. She comes back sometime soon but this weekend I have felt lost and without friends. I imagine this is what it's like to change schools.

She left on Friday morning and by Friday evening I had made an entire mess of the flat and was tucking into a takeaway as I was mourning the fact my life had been turned upside down for just 12 hours. Come Sunday morning, I had spent the entire weekend watching rugby, cycling, horse racing and football. What a life. I knew it couldn't last. Too much housework to do before she arrived back home.

Half of the problem was that I had too much time on my hands. I managed to snag this weekend off without booking it as holiday. A very rare pleasure when you work in the betting industry. It hasn't helped my sense of loss and loneliness. By mid-Saturday I wanted to be back in work. I'd probably work every day of the week if I could - anything to get out of the housework afterall.

Like I say, I've struggled so much this weekend but my pride could not be dented. I needed to make it look like I have flourished without her. She needed to walk in and realise how independent I am. How if she left me, I'd do great. Better infact. Operation Do Shitloads Of Housework started. I have done more housework than I have ever done before. I am shattered. I couldn't be a house-husband. Work hard and fall asleep in a pit of my own misery and filth is how I intend to live. As long as she gets my wage-packet at the end of the month everything is good right? Right?

Enough of the housework and self-pity. That was for last week with the Remain losings. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE REMAIN LOST.

Sorry about that. Never again, I promise.

The best time of the year has arrived and already started to pass. As I mentioned, I dedicated this weekend to watching sport but especially cycling. The Tour de France has holds a special place in my heart. I had a form-tutor at high school who wasn't much into betting but loved his cycling and would part with his cash just this month. I remember in the mid-2000s another of my teachers had told me about his cycling betting and gave me some of his tips. Half of the tips he gave me didn't even make it to the starting line cos they were done for doping. Do they count as value losers? They'd have probably gone well considering how doped they must have been to get caught in an era notoriously tough to get doping.

I properly got into cycling betting in 2013. I had left university and was waiting for the right job. This means two things - I was unemployed and I wanted a job working for a bookmaker. The whole of that July I spent watching Chris Froome win his first Tour de France. It was great. Having no job and nothing better to do was a fabulous time. People say to me.. "How can you watch a cycling stage from start to finish without getting bored?". I tell them I was unemployed one time and watching cycling was the only thing stopping me from becoming mentally unstable from boredom. They were great times.

More than just the Tour de France, I am affirmatively a Francophile. I absolutely love France. Everything about the country. Mainly just the fact they're not English. It's a crying shame we never remained under French rule back in the day. I'm learning French (again!) and actually making a lot of progress. Well, as much progress as someone trying to speak French with a (mellowing) Yorkshire accent can do. It would be a lot easier to have just been born into a French speaking country and not have to learn it all again. That boy Napoleon let us down. At least he left us his casinos.

I told you in my first blog about Chris Froome last year and how a winner felt like a loser. I am balls deep in absolutely nothing this year. The 10/11 about Sagan for the Green Jersey I wanted to smash up? Nothing on. I left it for others to get into it and let him go off at 1/2. Enjoy your winnings lads.

I have two outright bets going. Both were placed when I was under the influence of alcohol and/or glorious optimism. I have a bet on Tom Dumoulin at ridiculously huge prices when he was all so close to winning La Vuelta last year. Oh and Fabio Aru. I placed this after my works Christmas Party. I was very drunk and thought 16/1 was too big. He had won La Vuelta - the perfect warm-up for a Tour de France winning year (apparently!) and Nibali wasn't flavour of the month at all. Aru had to be shorter than Nibali. The Shark (Nibali's nickname for you who live a normal life), wasn't even going to be going to the Tour de France this year after a disastrous 2015 event. How wrong was I. Never bet drunk!! Aru has been terrible since La Vuelta. Nibali is indeed at Le Tour and 16/1 was well... Aru's starting price. I placed a bet 8 months in advance on a minor sport and I didn't even find any value. That's bad.

I have some big price interests in the King of the Mountains and Young Riders Classification such as Daniel Navarro and Daniel Teklehaimanot. The latter I have I attempted to spell his name without checking I have done it right. Please don't comment telling me it's wrong if it is indeed wrong. Please do tell me if I'm right. Both have lost time already and will hopefully concentrate on the King of the Mountains and in a market that is open to so much variance such as knowing a riders intentions, getting a run for your money is of the utmost importance. Lawson Craddock and Emanuel Buchmann are my Young Riders bets and have avoided losing time in the first two stages. I have hope.

My Euro 2016 hopes are all but dead and buried. Overall, minus all my losers and adding some winners, I'm on Portugal and France at an average of about 1/10. Maybe not that bad, but it is bad. I placed the France bet in 2014 and I have a crumpled up William Hill betting slip lying around the flat. I might have to post to a friend to collect in England as the cost of the ferry to get back to England will take up even more money. What a shocking state of affairs. I pinned my hopes on Belgium and they let me down. I have no doubts I'll be betting on them for the World Cup in 2018. Gluten for punishment.

I best love you and leave you all. I have more housework to do and more football to watch. Next week will no doubt just be a pure blog of Heartbreak Hotel of Tour de France stage betting losers. If I have a winner like Steve Cummings last year I will probably post selfies with my top off. Let's hope for all our sake that doesn't happen.